How I finally learned to trust my gut...
What 7 years of tension between safety and meaning taught me...
COVID-19 changed my whole perspective on work. No commute. No standing in the cafe waiting for food. No awkward water-cooler conversations. Colleagues not randomly bothering you and calling it “collaboration”. For the first time, I felt unbelievably productive. And that is when I got a glimpse of time freedom. Something I had neither paid attention to nor even knew existed.
I started enjoying the extra time I was getting every day, using it to explore my creativity and interests. It was during that time that I discovered my interest in entrepreneurship — or more broadly, my desire to create new things. So I went down that rabbit hole with genuine curiosity, without really knowing where it would lead.
The interesting part of this story is that I was working at Google during that time — my dream company. A place I even considered part of my identity (which, in hindsight, was a terrible mistake — more on that later). But, despite working at my dream company, something in me kept pulling me toward an alternate career path. A path that offered time freedom, location freedom, and creative freedom. At the time, I was too engrossed in the search to fully understand why I was doing it. I was just doing it. Perhaps it was my calling. But honestly, what did I really know back then? I didn’t see it that way at all.
Looking back now, seven years later in 2026, I think that period marked the onset of my midlife crisis. I neither had the clarity to recognize it as a calling, nor the courage to pursue it full-time. And to be fair to myself, I had a wife, two kids, and a dog to take care of. How could I justify being so reckless — chasing a vague idea instead of doing well at my dream job? So I put my interests aside and continued focusing on my full-time career at Google.
I was doing reasonably well at work. I even got promoted in 2021, so on the surface, things looked fine. But I could still sense that something was off. Thankfully, I recognized it early and decided to launch my first e-commerce business in 2022. It was a massive learning experience — creating products, marketing them, and finding customers. At that point, I had a full-time job and a side hustle, into which I was pouring both my time and money.
Then came 2023. Much to my shock, I was laid off from Google while I was on paternity leave for my second daughter. To say I was devastated would be an understatement.
A newborn at home. A new mortgage. It felt like everything was falling apart.
Day 1: gutted. Day 2: angry. Day 3: moved on.
By the third day, I had decided to turn my side hustle into my main focus and give it an honest shot. Unfortunately, that business didn’t succeed, even after multiple attempts. Eventually, I had to shut it down. By then, however, I had already started my second business by applying everything I had learned from the first failure.
In the spring of 2024, I launched my second e-commerce business, which I’m still actively running today. I’m also back in corporate now since Sep 2024, which is a little over a year as of today, to pay the bills and, most importantly, put food on the table.
Despite all the ups and downs over the last seven years, one thing hasn’t changed: my desire to do work that feels meaningful. Work that offers time freedom and location freedom. Once you start seeing that possibility, you can’t unsee it. This feels like my true calling — or a gut feeling, as some might say. At the very least, I can articulate it now.
Many people I talk to can’t. Some don’t even want to entertain the idea. They’re totally content working a regular corporate job. Chasing someone else’s dream. Complaining about colleagues. Taking two vacations a year. And most importantly, hoping for a 3% raise year over year.
I know I don’t want that life, and I’m doing everything I can to step off that hamster wheel.
I turn 40 this year - halfway point in my life, and I have roughly 2,000 weeks left. I don’t want to spend those weeks living someone else’s dream. So the biggest birthday gift I’m giving myself is permission. Permission to live life on my own terms. The signs feel clearer than ever.
Otherwise, I’d regret ignoring my gut again. When we’re younger, our gut instinct is still forming. As we get older, it gets stronger. Somewhere along the way, adulthood teaches us to ignore it. If you’re like me, you know your gut is right, but you’re just not ready to trust it yet. That’s okay. As long as it’s a conscious choice.
As for me, I’ve made up my mind. I’m choosing to follow my gut this time. To explore my curiosity and interests fully. I don’t have a perfectly defined plan yet. But I know this much:
I’ll define my goals clearly and work toward them meticulously.
Not someone else’s goals.
Mine.
And I’ll be unapologetically selfish in pursuing them.
I’m sharing this in the hope that someone out there - maybe you, who has come this far into my essay feels seen by it. Trying to balance safety, curiosity, ambition, and family.
If that’s you, I hope this essay resonated.
Until next time,
– Raghav B.